hexeme | bringing people to the geeks and geeks to the people

When you get down to it, I have three hobbies:

1. Board games
2. Video games
3. Barbecuing

The discerning American knows the difference between grilling and barbecuing. For the foreign crowd, permit this distinction: Grilled meat is cooked over very high heat for a matter of minutes, barbecuing is done at low heat for hours and hours. I love barbecuing, and I suck at grilling.

Today I’ve invited some twenty-odd people to sample my spareribs. Spareribs come from the lower part of the pig nearer the sternum and are pretty big, while back ribs are nearer the spine and much shorter. The popularity of baby back ribs confuses me, since if I’m going to shell out $20 for a rack of ribs, I want as much meat as possible. That’s kinda the point of barbecue — you take a hunk of meat that’s usually inedible and cook the hell out of it until it falls off the bone. You do it right, you can’t tell the difference.

This past week I purchased a Weber Smoky Mountain smoker so this is the first trial run. You can smoke ribs plenty of ways, but I prefer them rubbed and with the brisket bones still on. (Some southeastern regions  apply the rub in the middle or end of cooking; St. Louis style ribs remove the brisket bones.) A good rub usually consists of salt, brown sugar, and spices. There’s plenty o’ sites out there than can walk you through the preparation.

They go in the smoker at 210-230°F for 7½ hours. Sometimes I’ll wrap them in foil and put them in the oven for the last hour and a half if the temperature gets inconsisent or they’re drying out — I seldom use a wet mop — but today I’m trying without.

Notes

• I’m using a spicier rub with more cayenne pepper than usual. I always have a good Oklahoma sauce on hand which is nice and sweet so it should balance out well.
• To fit four racks on the smoker I had to use a rib rack, which is basically designed for St. Louis ribs, so they might look a little wonky coming out if they get stuck together.
• I’m using the Minion method of cooking for the first time, where you start a few lit coals in a basket of unlit ones. This should mean I won’t have to add any more coals during the whole smoking process.

Results

• A few folks thought the rub was too spicy; others thought it was fine. The “others” routinely order vindaloo “Indian-spicy,” so take that as you will.
• The rib rack worked pretty well, but the racks of ribs on the outside of the rib rack were more well-done than the rib racks on the middle of the rib rack. Ha!
• I’m not sure whether I panicked or I haven’t done the Minion method properly, but I had to scrape coals/add fuel a couple times during the smoking process. Still, very consistent, very efficient heating method that required a minimum of fuss and interaction.

Overall: Epic Success.

Geekiness

So that brings us to the question: How could barbecuing possibly be geeky? After all, it’s a tradition held primarily in the south and midwestern U.S., where few other traditions could possibly be described as “geeky.” (Customary circus-related definitions accepted) Well, a few reasons:

1. Easy to learn, hard to master. The ribs came out good, but they won’t win competitions. And every true geek loves a challenge.
2. Delicious hands-off food. So it takes all day to smoke food. The thing is, you’re not slaving over it. The ribs were in the smoker for over seven hours — know what I did during that time? I griefed players on Left 4 Dead.
3. Sociality. You may find, after high school and college, people generate responsibilities. They find excuses not to piss away an evening playing D&D and HeroScape. For true geeks, that’s a goddamned shame. But barbecue, it binds us. Everyone — everyone — will capitalute for home-smoked barbecue. I find it a great way to unite Diplomacy players who would otherwise gouge each others’ eyes out upon meeting.

There you have it. Enjoy.